I fail at being a blogger. But you know what? I ROCK at being a microblogger. HENCE — twitter. I’m looking to do something else with this site. Who knows what, who knows when, I’m not going to give myself a deadline but I do think I need a redesign. I hate duplicating what I already do on Facebook and on Twitter so I think my Xanga site will probably be just for original writing (gasp!). Not that I’m ready yet to publish anything, but at least if and when I do, I will have a place to do it. So with that said, if you are interested in my thoughts on life, my toddler daughter Avery, struggles with fitness, downsizing in this economy (we did it), and anything and everything fashion, movies, TV, Twilight, Robsten, Hunger Games and fan fiction then follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/gojeannie If you don’t care then that’s fine too, it was nice blogging with you. I’ll be back..someday.

So yes, I did it.

Even after proclaiming to the blogsphere, Twitterville and FaceBookaria that I would be the last woman standing in line to pay an extra 4 dollars to see Avatar: 3D in stunning IMAX, I went and did the deed. Mostly through recommendations from friends and assurances that “I know you will love it” and on and on. And I hate to disappoint, because I’m a pleaser of sorts, but seriously folks, I didn’t love it, far from it, actually.

But before I launch into my reasons why I felt the movie was not only sub-par, but downright offensive (and not just to the Navi peoples of Pandora), I want to point out some of the better moments of the movie, namely the wow-factor of IMAX 3D and the beautiful colors and imagined landscapes of Pandora. Well, there I’ve said it, it wasn’t entirely craptastic, right?

So the movie starts out…

…oops, this review is super spoilery but since I’m the last person to have seen it then this should be of no consequence to you, right?

…in deep space in the 22^nd century where a passenger vessel is disembarking after a long, almost 6-year journey though the outer galactic regions of space (I seriously need to thank all my years of sci fi reading and the likes of Mr. Orson Scott Card and Mr. Carl Sagan for all my geeky nerdisms when I talk about space travel). We meet our main protagonist, Jake Sully, who is just waking up from cryogenic sleep as the ship he is traveling in reaches the planet called Pandora (wink wink, snerk snerk…oooh, witty, Mr. Cameron, witty). We find out through a series of flashbacks that Jake lost his scientist twin brother in a random act of violence and because of his identical genetic makeup he was recruited to take his place on a “mission” that would pay him a lot of money.  You find out in the following scene that Jake suffers from a damaged spine which leaves him in a wheelchair without the use of his legs and that he needs to go on this mission so he can pay for surgery to repair his spinal cord. So in a future where we can repair spinal cords and clone creatures in giant test tube vestibules from a combination of DNA from different planetary species, nobody can give Jake a wheelchair that’s more like Professor Xavier’s from X-men to make his life just a little bit easier? Inconceivable!

So Jake gets recruited as an Avatar “driver” an Avatar being a creature that has been grown to adult size in a test tube with a combination of human and Navi (the native indigenous people of the planet Pandora) DNA whose neuropathways can be accessed via a brain link in which, the human “driver” is put in a dream like sleep state, plugged into a device that looks like Michael Jackson’s floating sleep chamber and then becomes “aware” in the Avatar body (hey look! I’m 10 feet tall and blue! Cool).

And to make this recap longer than really necessary, (because, like I’ve said, you’ve all seen the movie already and know what all goes down, right?) I will add that the “mission” at hand is for some corporate entity known as the RDA to mine precious resources from Pandora for profit while contracting earth’s military to guard and protect them while they are out there and to promote study of the planet and their people with the likes of scientists like Sigourney Weaver.

The drama comes into play when Jake Sully, as his Avatar, begins to get to know the Navi people, living with them and learning from them with the full intention of infiltrating them and getting them to trust him so the military and the RDA can control these people and get to their bounty (the resources they are mining). Well, Jake goes and learns to love these people and actually falls in love with the Navi Chief’s daughter, fancy that, right?

A battle of the wills ensues and shots are fired and the “Sky People” (we know them as the “humans” or as they are portrayed in the movie, warmongering white men with guns) destroy the Navi’s home and have them all heading for the hills to safety.  A war breaks out and the Navi fight back.

Ok, from here on out, I’m sure you can figure out the rest of the movie because the story basically writes itself from this point.  So what’s my problem with this movie again? Where do I start?

First, this story is basically recycled from years of old James Cameron movies mixed in with some from other screenplays. Cameron basically takes elements from “Dances with Wolves,”  “Aliens,” “Terminator,” “The Abyss,” “Braveheart,” and maybe even a bit of “Piranha 2: The Spawning” and chops up those stories, put them in a blender and what comes out is Avatar. I keep saying you’ve seen this movie before and guess what? You REALLY have. It’s insulting to think that someone can still make money off a movie with this “been there, done that plot!” Who does he think we are? I am a lover of film and story telling, I take immense offense to someone trying to manipulate me into enjoying a regurgitated story. Shame on you, James Cameron, shame on you!

Secondly, I’ve had just about ENOUGH of film makers exploiting the American people and turning us into warmongering idiots on film. This is a movie that has made a billion dollars worldwide and has been seen in numerous countries across the globe and what does it portray and perpetuate: the idea that wars are started and fought by power-hungry conglomerates controlled by WHITE AMERICAN MEN. Come on now, do we not have any hope whatsoever that we are continually making ourselves look like the royal douchebags that the world seems to think we already are? If we are always so pissed about why the world thinks we are a bunch of brainless idiots with guns then we need to start by stopping people like James Cameron from making movies like this.

Ahem, I realize I am not a white man but I am an American so I find offense to this blatant stereotyping of my countrymen.

Thirdly, need I remind the movie-going audience that this is basically a war movie disguised and marketed as the greatest innovation in movie-making in our modern era? Sure the movie portrays the “enemy” as us, the humans, and the victims of war are the peaceful Navi but am I the only person who realized that the Navi are a race of WARRIORS? Um, really people? You be throwing your guns and bombs at a bunch of natives looking for an excuse to fight and what do you think you’re going to get? Sure they gots bows and arrows but they know the land, man! Everyone knows that home field advantage counts for more than most people give it credit for. You going down white man, you going down.

And finally, I am truly sick and tired of the blatant environmental message being constantly shoved down my throat. Yes, we need to conserve and recycle for our future today, damn it, I know that already because it’s constantly in my face! I go to the movies for a bit of escapism and what do I come home with? A hefty message on conservation. You can’t pay enough money for that, folks.Well, at $17 a showing, I guess you CAN.

All in all, I have a lot of issues with this movie (don’t even get me started on why Michelle Rodriguez’s character all of sudden grows a conscience in the most pivotal point of the movie — oh wait, I know, because James Cameron wrote his story into a corner and needed to go to “The Fast and the Furious” for inspiration, that’s why) and it’s obvious that I am not pleased with the time I spent in the theater. With that said, I am glad I saw it because now I can actually say with authority, if asked, that this movie truly exceeded the lowest of my expectations. Come Oscar night when I rally around gems like “Up in the Air” and maybe even cheer on “District 9″ as the underdog, I will silently weep for our generation of movie going audiences if Avatar or James Cameron wins anything for this pathetic excuse for a movie. 

First let me tell you a little bit about what the National Novel Writing Month (or to those of us in the “know” NaNoWriMo) is all about. Every year in the lovely month of November a curious band of merry fellows huddle around cooling cups of zebra mochas and double extra foam lattes to churn out the great American novel. Now all this talk of this being a “national” event and even the description of the ‘great American’ novel is quite the misnomer as NaNoWriMo has indeed gone international. Participants from across the globe pull out their laptops, Macbooks and netbooks (and some even pull out old fashioned pen and paper) to get in on the fun and torture.

The rules are simple: you have exactly 30 days to write a 50,000 word novel starting at midnight on November 1 and writing all the way to 11:59:59 on the eve of November 30. The 50K words is the distinction between calling something a novella (40,000 words) and a novel. We Nanos know that November is for writing and December is for editing which leads me to reason #1 why I won’t win this year:

1.     Unrealistic expectations of myself. If I learned anything while doing NaNoWriMo this year it’s that I cannot expect to be perfect at this. Every novel goes through editing and re-editing to the point where most of the original written words are not even recognized. I really need to remember that writing is not a process but a journey and that even though I still screw up my whos and whoms despite the Elements of Style by Strunk and White, I will have time after November to fine-tune and even continue writing.

2.     I have a small child. Well, this is a given, but I have to mention that as important as my writing is to me and as much as I take the utmost pleasure from being able to sit down for two hours and crank out 3,000 words, I enjoy spending time with my daughter more. I sometimes tell my husband that I’m going to sit down to write for an hour and end up 30 minutes later on the floor with the two of them laughing and giggling like banshees. I would not have it any other way.

3.     It’s NOVEMBER, people! My most favorite month of the year because the holidays are here! There are presents to be bought and trees to decorate! I have turkeys and pies to bake and about 10 lbs of potatoes to peel. I love Thanksgiving, it’s my favorite holiday and it’s really time consuming.

4.     We are taking our 10 month old to Disneyland for the first time – traveling while trying to crank out 1,600 words a day? Not happening.

Well, there is still two more weeks left to Nano so I will continue writing while I still can but I am resigned to not win this year, my first year. I do want to eventually finish what I started plot holes and dead ends be damned. With that said here are some reasons why I WILL win Nanowrimo NEXT year:

1.     I started one day late this year and although it doesn’t sound like much time to have lost I could have spent some time mentally preparing for NaNoWriMo instead of just jumping in and signing up and writing with reckless abandon, even if that’s what we’re supposed to do, I think it would have worked well for me to have at least outlined the story before starting to write with no roadmap.

2.     Writing is addictive. Trust me, even if you’re not a “writer” per se, you will enjoy the fast-paced nature of NaNoWriMo and the reward, even if you don’t win. The reward definitely far outweighs the craziness and obscurity! It makes me happy to no end when I’m sitting in a Starbucks with my laptop and someone sees my NaNoWriMo sticker and gives me the thumbs up or when I see a little girl ask her daddy what it is and he knows and tells her and she gets EXCITED for me. Priceless, I tell you.

3.     It’s in my blood. I can tell you a story, I know that much about me. I might still screw up my whos and whoms (Strunk and White, you are dead to me, ptooey!) I know when I want to tell you something and I can do it better written than trying to have me articulate it verbally. I don’t even use words like “articulate verbally” when I speak. It’s more like, “Duuuuuude…” and “OMG!” Yes, I say the letters, “O,” “M,” and “G” it annoys the crap out of my hubby.

4.     Next year I will also try to drum up more excitement about it from my friends and colleagues. Surely there are others out there in my blogsphere and on my Facebook list that love to write? I can’t be the ONLY one. Well, if you are even thinking about it, I will encourage you here right now, a year before it starts to sign up with me. I need more writing buddies and it will be our excuse to get together, drink coffee and whip out our laptops at Starbucks and pretend to write while we pull up hilarious YouTube videos to watch (Ninja Cat, anyone?).

And lastly the reason why I will win NaNoWriMo NEXT year is because it’s been far too long (26 years) since I completed my last book (a great story called “My Dog Lucky” which won a young writer’s award and was self-illustrated) and I really need a great follow up if not for my 36-year old self then for my 10-year old self who was so proud of her book about a silly dog.

 I’m such a tease. I’m sorry. I’ve decided to participate in this years National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo to those in the “know”) and will have to temporarily suspend contributing to my blog for a while to pound out my 50,000 words. The good news is that more than ever I am excited about writing, the bad news is I’m not writing here. BUT, take heart, I will be back, because even when NaNoWriMo is behind us in December this will still be my home for my words.

For those of you interested in in NaNoWriMo, visit their site at www.nanowrimo.org for more information. I am so far loving the spontaneity behind frantically writing crappy passages for a novel that will probably never see the light of day, but will be a fun excercise to partake in.

See you in December!

It’s 11:42pm on a Sunday night as I start this blog entry and the only thing that makes me a bigger loser about writing about vampires is that I waited all day for my daughter to go to bed so I can have the time to write about vampires. La-hoo-SER. Anyway, I’m over that and am embracing my inner vamplover and have decided to take an exploratory journey into why I love them so.

I think I have always loved vampires or at the very least been fascinated by them. And really, why not, they are mysterious, dangerous, sexy and smart. They are the creatures of the night, specializing in our dark fantasies and desires. We’ve also seen the evolution of the vampire, from the classic vamps like Bram Stoker’s Dracula to unconventional vamps like Bill from True Blood. It seems like everywhere you look, there’s a vampire there. So here I explore my personal love affair with the vampire. I don’t cover them all, there’s just too many, but the ones I do talk about are special to me and have been a huge part of my growing curiosity and fascination with these creatures of the night.

Vampire Love, the Early Years
My vampire fascination most assuredly began as a wee tot watching Sesame Street. Aside from Big Bird, I recall having an unhealthy fascination with The Count. Sure, there are the purists out there that will argue the fact that The Count is not really a vampire, he’s just really into counting (um, mutually exclusive much?). From the creepy intro music to the lightning bolts and the bats, the argument that The Count is NOT a vamp holds no water. Dude, the boys got FANGS for heaven’s sake! Even though he was the kiddo version of Ernest Borgnine’s most famous role, he still was menacing in every way and it took me a long time to not go “Ha! Ha! Ha!” after counting something — that seriously freaked the kids out at school not to mention some pretty interesting parent/teacher conference moments. Ah, good times, good times.

Teen Angst Vamps
So then came all those John Hughes movies about being pink and sixteen and having breakfast in detention in the 80′s. Not that I didn’t love them myself but teenagers are only SO interesting without any kind of paranormal powers. Then came the Lost Boys (cue swoon). *Sigh* Oh Keifer Sutherland, you must have been pushing 29 playing a 17 year old, how I loved thee. This was the movie that made me appreciate the seedy underworld that so many vamps seem to reside in. It was gritty and dark and bloody, the boys were rugged and tough (and if I must be completely honest, probably a little stinky). Oooh, bad boys are kinda hot, especially if they are bloodsucking creatures of the seedy underworld.

Vampires by Anne Rice: The Gold Standard
A true understanding of the vampire realm can be grasped through the texts of Anne Rice’s novels. There in her great works of fiction she weaves a tale of these lovely damaged creatures. Readers not only were able to grasp her universe to see the powers and limitations of her vampires but they also were able to sympathize with the plight of Louis and to a larger extent, Lestat, Rice’s most famous character. Oh sure he was smarmy and crass but that’s why we loved him! He made no apologies for all the evils he committed and we loved how deliciously flawed he was. I call Rice’s characters the gold standard in the vampverse because she covered it all and to anyone who wanted to write a “serious” book about vampires would only look so far as her collection of work to get a good handle on it (obviously not Stephenie Meyer). And how great was the movie version of Interview With a Vampire?

Jossverse Vamps
Two words to sum up: Angel and Spike. Holy dichotomy, Buffy, we don’t blame you for never making a decision about these two. On the left we’ve got Angel. Beautiful, tortured, angsty, lovely Angel. A vampire with a heart of gold who loves the Slayer and who stop at nothing for her. Angel is a special kind of vampire, he has a soul and he loves as fiercely as he fights. And helloooo, David Boreanaz? Yeah, him. Then on the right there’s nasty, rude, arrogant, and apparently British, Spike. He of the annoying bleach blonde hair and retro 80′s black t-shirts and combat boots — blech! But as is with the Jossverse nobody gets a happy ending and eventually, everyone leaves the show to go on another Joss show only to get canceled after one season. What? No, what a meant to say is, we ended up loving Spike and after season 7 it was like, Angel, who? Where was I going with this? Oh yea, HOT vampires are good and evil and it makes me happy. Ah, simplicity.

The Twilight Phenomenon
I was SO not a believer. After hearing the snippets of Stephenie Meyer’s crimes against vampire canon (what do you mean they SPARKLE in the sun??!! They’re supposed to BURN and DIE in the sun!!! What is she smoking??) I vowed never to pick up any of her books. But that was history (ok, that was about 5 blog entries ago) and you know what they say… Bygones, Stephenie. I still am not a believer in her awful writing, but her storytelling is top notch. To have written a love story about an ordinary girl and the vampire who desires her blood more than anything in the world and to make women from age puberty to menopause swoon at the sound of the name “Edward”is an extraordinary feat indeed. Bravo Stephenie Meyer, bravo. Aside from Edward there are the rest of the Cullens…who am I kidding? Nobody wants me to write a blog post about Jasper or Carlisle (although there are some veeery interesting things I can say about Carlisle…) it’s all about Edward. *double swoon* Edward Cullen made me believe that Romeo and Juliet could have had a happy ending if only they weren’t so self-involved. Edward is proof that hot, wealthy, deadly, self-sacrificing, amazing hair and romantic can be used to describe the same person. Edward made driving a Volvo sexy. Edward is the first character that has killed animals in a story where I don’t feel bad for the animals. And finally Edward Cullen has given my husband material to tease me with for the next eternity or so. Thank you Smeyer.

The Twilight Phenomenon Part Deux
Has anyone watched Vampire Diaries? There are books too, published in the 80′s. If you haven’t watched or read don’t bother. It’s basically the Twilight story with an evil brother. Hot vampire, check. Brown haired ordinary girl hot vampire loves, check. Mysterious unexplained “animal attacks” in a small town, check. A pack of folks who know about the “cold ones” and set out to protect their town from them, check. Been there, done that. But…did  mention the hot vampire? How hot is Edward Stefan Salvatore? Yum-O. I’ll keep watching (never read the books nor do I plan to).

So there you have it, my exploration of the Vampires I have loved. I’m sure I have much more to say about them (especially about Edward) but I think it’s been said before and by a lot better articulated writers. I just wanted a space to swoon and squee…good times indeed.

Teaser for next blog post: I explore my growth in the appreciation of athletics or as I like to call it, the evolution of a sports wife.

Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration, I don’t really or have I ever considered myself a fashionista, but I do love clothes and I appreciate nice things. I think I have kept up with trends most of my life since highschool even through fluctuating body types, I at least think I know what works for my body and go with it. So now I find myself at a fashion crossroads in my life. When did this happen? I think it’s been a while now that I’ve realized I’m more Mommy Couture than Haute Couture but it wasn’t until today that I’ve given up any notion of being fashionable versus being practical (yes, I know these are really MY words, my blog hasn’t been hijacked by an imposter).

I walked into Gap today to buy a birthday gift for someone and found myself wondering why anyone in their right mind would wear this stuff. Skinny jeans? Not on your life! And why would I pay $80 for a pair of jeans that is threadbare and faded to oblivion? I was wondering what happened to Gap as I used to shop there all the time. Now I spend more time at Baby Gap. On my way to the Disney store with my daughter I walked by Talbots and said to my husband, “Wow, did Talbots change their target demographic? This stuff is super cute!” He just looked at me like I was nuts. And then it hit me while I was debating the difference between Tinkerbell and Disney Princess with my husband in the Disney Store costume section: Gap and Talbots haven’t changed, I have.

Oh. Dear. God.

Now it’s not like I’m going to start shopping at Coldwater Creek (and no offense is directed at anyone that does) but I realize that my tastes have changed ever so subtly over the course of a year and instead of embracing it I have been ignoring it. Hence why I still wear pointy toed stilettos and heavy eyeliner. And the latest nail in my fashion coffin? I have to dye my hair out of necessity rather than for the sake of being fashion forward. Perish the thought. I should have known this would happen when I found myself at 8 months into my pregnancy and thinking to myself how I can keep wearing the comfy clothes after having the baby. Thankfully, I never got back into any of the maternity clothes and I quickly gave them all away before I was tempted to slip on those jeans with the awesome stretchy belly again.

So where does that leave me now? Still standing at the crossroads but slowly edging over to and dipping my toe into a more grownup style. I wear pearls – a lot. I am accessorizing more and *gulp* I wear scarves even when it’s not cold out. I like jackets and coats more than ever before and I can appreciate a straight leg pant better than a tapered fit. I’m slowly transitioning from my monochromatic black/gray/dark palette into happier colors like orange and purples (not together, no!). I still love rocking my stilettos and I don’t see that changing anytime soon (stacked heels make shorties like me stumpy looking). Gone are bare legs, hello tights and hose! And after giving birth I only have one word for you: Spanx.

Change is good. Change is inevitable and the best part? Change is having an excuse to buy a new wardrobe! Happy shopping, Former Fashionista!

Teaser for next blog post: I explore my fascination with everything Vampire. Rawr!

*completely mortified*

Yeah…so a while ago I had this blog and the blog was good. It was up to date, it had pretty pictures, I visited it often, we were tight. And then I decided to reproduce and honesty, it wasn’t that I forgot about the blog because the blog was always there, an ever present loyal companion. I just got sidetracked. Then came Facebook. And all of sudden the blog had competition! Before the blog got my undivided attention and all of sudden it was expected to compete not only with my flesh and blood child, but with *cue ominous music* social networking.

Just when I thought me and the blog could get back together and rekindle our relationship I met and fell madly in love with…Twitter.

The competition was just too great for my poor blog to bear and so here I am now, doing some cleanup of my long forgotten and forsaken first love. Blog, you have been good to me and although I will not abandon you completely (because I am a selfish fool) I will finally come clean with you: It’s not you, it’s me. I have no other words that will temper your disappointment in me and I refuse to make empty promises to you that will make up for lost time and missed events. I can only say that you have been with me through it all and I will hang in there with you. You are my first and you will always hold a near dear place in my heart.

*sigh*

It’s been 11 days since my Miss Avery was born and I still can’t believe that she’s mine. All the books said so and all my friends have been telling me so you would think that I was prepared to enter into this new phase of my life. I’ll tell you, nothing, and I mean nothing, prepares you for motherhood. It’s the most terrifying, wonderful magical experience in the world. From the day she was born and every day since I have run the gamut of emotions from horror (at her first dirty diaper) to joy (at our successful breastfeeding session), to utter despair (at our futile attempts to calm her crying on the second night at the hospital). But beyond that there is one thing that keeps me going. And it’s going to sound cheesy, but hey, I’m going to go there anyway. I have hope. For the first time in my life I have a hope that is not based on me alone but my hope centers around my little bundle that needs me and will grow to love me. Hope that she will be a good person and a person who will know success and love and happiness. My mission in life is now to make sure she does and it’s a daunting task but one that I accept whole-heartedly without reservations.

I know I know, I’m a huge dorky sap now. That’s what motherhood does to you.